Although we are indeed grateful, the last year or so living with our parents (the in-laws) has at times been challenging to say the least.  But not for the reasons you may think.  There is the obvious lack of privacy, of course.  But that kind of comes with the territory.  It’s their house.

Anyhow, once or twice a week around 2am either the Princess or Spider Man will wake up yelling for me or Eric.  Unfortunately, their room is directly across the hall from the parents.  The little Princess is not an issue, since she still sleeps with us.  Normally, in your own house, apartment or condo, this is not a big deal.  You get out of bed, with underwear only in most cases, put them back to sleep and back to bed yourself.

So not the case now.  When you are living at home with your parents in your thirties (with kids), there’s a degree of etiquette to which you must adhere.  Instead of simply putting the kids back to sleep and going back to bed without completely waking up, you have to practically get dressed.

Heaven forbid Eric’s parents come out of their room when the kids wake, and I am barely dressed or Eric is walking around in just his boxers.  And if the in-laws are actually sleeping, you have to get dressed quick enough to get the kids quiet before the parents are awakened.  Especially, since they are the only ones in the house with jobs.  Sometimes it is just too much.  But that’s not the worst.

The worst is when Eric and I have our occasional arguments.  Sometimes I just want to let him —-ing have it (verbally, of course), but his parents are around.  How do you have a “real” married couples’ argument in front of your husband’s parents?  Highly unlikely…   Sometimes when we are having our extremely loud “whisper” arguments, I believe he raises his volume a bit intentionally – just enough for his mother to hear.  And he knows that I won’t argue if I think his mom can hear us, so I usually have to finish “unloading” where he is most vulnerable – in the car.  Specifically in the car when the kids are sleep.  Pretty safe bet that he won’t raise his voice there, as neither of us wants to wake the kids when they are quiet in the car.  More importantly, when I make my move in the car, we are usually far enough from home to give me time to discuss everything on my mind.  And there it doesn’t matter if he wants to hear it or not.

When you think about though, it’s all pretty silly.  His parents know that we are going to argue, but it is still a bit unnerving.  Not arguing is part of the facade married couples generally like to maintain when visiting “the parents”.  But all norms completely fly the coop, when you live with the parents.

Here are a few tips to ensure a smoother coexistence while living with your parents (or in-laws):

• Expect some loss of privacy – privacy is first to go when you have more people living in the same space.
• Become a household contributor (i.e., purchase groceries, pick up after yourself and your kids, etc.)
• Help with routine chores/duties (i.e., trash and recycling collection, yard work, etc.)
• Don’t assume the parents want to babysit their grandkids every time you want a break – ask first.
• If relevant, encourage the parents to adopt better eating habits, which is a big one for us.
• Find a reason to get out of the house everyday – the benefits may surprise you.

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Every morning, Eric and I start our day by taking the Princess and Spider Man to school.  Then we come back home for a morning walk before starting our respective days – he’s on the phone networking for jobs and I write and take care of our 10-week old daughter, the Little Princess.  Lately on our walks, we have seen so many beautiful and amazing images that we may not have noticed in the past, even if we were looking directly at them.  So much so that we started carrying our digital camera with us.

Today, while walking we saw this seemingly suspended pine cone, which from a distance appear to be a small bird.  But as we got closer we realized that, due to completely random circumstances (i.e., wind, weight, etc.), this pine cone fell at least 15-20 feet from the tree above this power line to land perfectly positioned.  Quite spectacular when you think of everything that had to happen to even make this image possible.

In life sometimes, our most profound accomplishments and achievements will come from things and events completely out of our control.  So if you have a passion for something, do not allow your inability to see the result to stop you from pursuing it.

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Looking through old pictures this weekend and found this one of our Subaru Outback Wagon packed with everything we did not send with the movers, when we left Stamford, CT for Atlanta, GA (… approx. 14.5 hours).  Amazing how many little things you accumulate over time, and how many of those things you would love to throw away, but just can’t.  What’s ridiculous is the fact that you never realize how much it is until you pack to move.  As you can probably see we stuffed most of those items in the Wagon with Eric, while the kids rode comfortably in the truck with me.

Oh… by the way, we only have two more unemployment checks remaining.  Cannot believe our family of five has been part of the Boomerang Generation for almost a year and a half now.  Still, I think about how we would have managed without a plan.  Forget trying to start a small business.  First you must literally survive, until you get your thoughts together to take the next step.  Fortunately, we had a plan.  And I remember it like it happened a year and a half ago… Eric came home, with his box of personal files and family photos, and pressed “go”.

After two hours, we had applied for unemployment, scheduled all of our utilities to be turned off (including immediately canceling cable), placed student loans into deferment (at least the federal loans), scheduled a moving company, placed bulky and old furniture on Craigslist, spoke with the leasing office, and contacted his parents to let them know the family would be moving from Connecticut to Georgia.  From that point to this one, it was purely about capital preservation.  Sadly, even now, no one knows how long this recession will continue, but all things being equal, each dollar of savings and/or unemployment compensation not spent today can be stretched for another day.  Because of our adherence to the “plan” we still have savings today, for which we are grateful as the reality of no more unemployment benefits looms in the not too distant future.

In some of the discussions we have had with other Boomerangers over the last three to four weeks, we talked at length about how we are collectively managing, given the circumstances.  Therefore, we decided to share some of the common actions taken by many of us that have successfully stretched our resources beyond the nine months of savings typically suggested for “rainy day” planning.

Here’s Our Guide to Boomeranger Survival – “The Plan”:

• Take immediate action  – do not waste money maintaining a lifestyle with no job
• Quickly cut costs and move to prioritize your financial resources
  • If you have a mortgage, rent your property and move in with parents, relatives or add roommates
  • If you rent, work with the leasing office to find a tenant replacement
• Pay down as much of your credit balances as possible to reduce the minimum payments each month
• Defer as many of your student loans as possible
• Place any cash reserves in interest-bearing checking or savings accounts
• Manage your costs as closely as possible by using a “realistic” budget – we put together a simple Excel file for our budget

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My daughter turned four recently, and guess what she said.  “Mommy, what did you get me for my birthday?”  Even though we still do not have jobs, the little princess had her party at My Gym, which is not exactly a free party location.  Clearly distracted by thoughts of gifts, cake and ice cream, she nor my son thought to ask, “did Daddy find a job yet?” or “how long will our savings last when unemployment ends?”  And why would a child ask these very obvious questions? They are literally and figuratively “little”.

These matters do not, and should not, concern them.  Can you image explaining “jobless recovery” to toddlers?  Good luck with that.  Indeed I would challenge anyone to find something a two and four year old care less about than the family finances, especially when they are only interested in Spider Man and being a Princess.

If Eric found a job tomorrow, next week, or even next month, our kids would have no reference point for this recession.  They see our extended stay at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house as nothing more than “home” – completely oblivious to the actual implications of it all.  So, for better or worse, we try to maintain some “appearance” for the kids, so they are not subject to the general stress of our circumstances.  I find personal relief in the comedy of life, which most often occurs during our weekly shopping trips with the kids.

It never fails.  Whenever we go to Target or Walmart and pass by the toy aisles, you can be rest assured that the quick trip to the store just got 45 minutes longer.  And although we usually leave those aisles of “compulsive spending” opportunities empty handed, lately we have  simply avoided them altogether.

Zigging and zagging through the stores, taking grocery aisles and aisles around the pharmacy to keep the kids from even seeing toys or DVDs.  On one such occasion, as we passed through an aisle with  laundry detergent, I caught a glimpse of my name (April Fresh) on a box of Tide (with Downy)…. I wish there was an income opportunity in this.

…..hmmmm.  There’s a novel idea.  Would that opportunity look like this?

Probably not, but it would be nice.  I guess we all have things that distract us on our family shopping trips.  But when the kids spot an aisle with goodies and begin asking about toys, movies or candy, Eric will say something like, “sounds like you guys are getting tired”.  And if that does not work and they persist, here comes the heavy ammo, “when we get home, it is definitely nap time.”  Now… that’s the stuff.

Out of pure hatred for naps, Spider Man and the Princess will either get immediately quiet or start playing with the toys they brought from the car… LOL!!  As if their favorite aisles don’t exist for the next 30 mins, and their silence will make us forget about the possibility of rapidly approaching nap time.

Still, don’t get me wrong.  There are times when we succumb to the pressure and pleading to buy an extra toy or DVD.  But not often.

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Friday was my daughter’s last day of school, at the relatively  pricey private preschool.  Fortunately, we found a very good free program, if that even makes sense.  ”Piggy Balloon” was the last arts and craft she brought home.  Sadly, this little piggy was accidentally popped thirty seconds after this picture was taken.

Had we not taken this picture as soon as we got home, we may have missed the opportunity to express to the princess how much her gifts mean to us.  Now more than ever, we try take the time to appreciate the little things when we are first in the moment.

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